What is a polyamorous relationship?
It is very important that we actually define what a “polyamorous” relationship is, because there are many similar words that have slightly different definitions which often get confused with one another. Polyamory is defined as both participants having multiple (two or more) other concurrent, serious sexual and emotional relationships.
It is a relationship model that requires each participant to be extremely mature, transparent with one another and responsible. Each person involved must consent and be fully aware of what else is going on, and they all have to be mature enough to be non-possessive over each other to prevent significant drama.
This is not to be confused with open relationships where each partner only interacts with people outside of the relationship in a purely sexual manner, with no emotional attachment. A polyamorous relationship is also not to be mistaken for a polygamous relationship where there is a central lover who has multiple romantic partners.
The important factor to consider is that everyone is open with each other and that everyone consents to, and understands, the agreement. Any dishonesty would be counted as adultery (or infidelity) because the sexual activity that occurred behind your partner’s back is undisclosed.
How do polyamorous relationships usually work?
There is very often some sort of hierarchy involved in polyamory where one relationship is prioritised over another relationship:
Are there different structures of polyamorous relationships?
Indeed, there are. In fact, these are said to be four most common types of these relationships (obviously there are many more) which vary mainly in the particular boundaries that are enforced:
The Quad structure is the four-person version of the triad structure. These are fairly uncommon given the that the chances of four people meeting and each one falling in love with each of the others is quite slim.
With even more people involved, the stability of this structure is even more susceptible to collapse because there are more points of weakness (i.e. there are more people, each of whom could decide to leave). Should one or more people leave the relationship, that void will have a bigger impact within a group of this structure than the Triad structure.
In each of these scenarios the group will decide all the specific boundaries that are to be put in place, such as “is each person allowed to have sexual or just romantic (or no) interaction with outside parties”.
Are polyamorous relationships a good or bad thing?
Firstly, it’s important to remember that everyone is different, and therefore we all have different preferences regarding how we choose to run different aspects of our lives. One must not, judge another for their lifestyle choices, even if they disagree with that way of living.
There have been many discussions for a long time debating whether the hierarchical nature of many polyamorous relationships is a healthy dynamic to date within, but studies show that people in hierarchical relationships report very similar levels of satisfaction as those in more evened out polyamorous relationships and monogamous relationships.
It is possible to have long term polyamorous relationships and for them to be completely fulfilling and healthy. However, mental health can also be severely impacted by something like this. The stress of trying to maintain multiple simultaneous relationships will most definitely result in worsened mental health because of time constraints and energy constraints (because each relationship will require a certain amount of time and energy).
But also, emotions tend to fluctuate a lot too, so what someone may have agreed to at the beginning may become something that they have grown to not like. In such a circumstance, jealousy may occur.
To minimize stress, drama and unnecessary emotional pain, constant communication between all members of the group is absolutely essential throughout the whole process.